More than just a mama

I love being a mother.  Motherhood is something I dreamed of from an early age, and I first felt those inner pangs caused by babycrack when I was about sixteen…thanks biology!  When I was in second year university I caused a bit of a stir because I was open about my desire to be a stay-at-home-mum.  Soon after Jason and I were married those pangs returned, caused by watching Jason interact with the little girls I cared for, watching my husband and knowing that he would be an excellent father.  We decided to grow our little family after much discussion (and that discussion is fodder enough for another blog post or even series) and those two blue lines showed up after a mere month of trying.  And five months ago Georgia was born.  I have been at home with her ever since.

I love it.  This is a precious time, and I’m glad to be with her as she rolls over, tries to crawl, babbles, nurses, sleeps, and plays with her favourite toys.  At the same time, it can be a thankless, never ending task.  There will always be laundry.  There will always be dishes.  There is little time to myself.  Georgia is napping as I type this, but I could (should?) be tidying the kitchen.  But me time is important.

I do not want to become a mommy martyr.

I do not want to become dependent on my child.

I do not want to be Georgia’s best friend.

I do not want motherhood to be my defining feature.

So what do I do?  Sunday night Jason and I left the baby with a friend and went to see a concert.   As we walked to our van we were giddy with freedom, blissfully happy to go out and do what we want and not have to worry about breastmilk and spit-up and diaper changes and nap time and everything else.

Last night I went to an Art and Soul meeting at our church, having recently joined the committee.  Actual adult conversation.  Education.  Passion. Jason took care of the baby, and everything was fine.

Later this week a friend and I are meeting for drinks.

I write, mostly this blog, but sometimes letters and poetry and I am brainstorming a new play called ‘The Choral Society”.  I craft.  I go to aquafit.  I visit Ottawa and grab lunch with friends or family.  I plan for the future, as best I can.  I think and read and talk about things that fascinate me, like gender socialization and women’s rights.  I am politically active, although I admit the fuel to my fire in that case is making a better world for my daughter.  I apply to job after job in my field (education, and that is yet another blog post to be written).  I research and shop and cook new recipes.  I go to the library and read, read, read.  And I spend just a little bit of time online…just a teensy little bit!

I am more than just a mama.  I am an educator and an artist and a foodie and a writer and a volunteer and a knitter and a singer and a scrapbooker and a feminist and a reader and a thinker and a protester and a wife and a friend and a lover and an active community member and a learner and grower and nurturer and cultivator.

I am a mama.  And so much more.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. A House and A Garden
    Jun 20, 2012 @ 11:15:59

    Oh, this leaves me so optimistic, as I’m currently trying to get used to the idea of being pregnant and having something come out of my lady garden, then not sleep for 6 months etc. You fill me with hope, and hope/faith is all I’m clinging to these days.

    Reply

    • authenticallymerry
      Jun 20, 2012 @ 11:32:31

      It’s hard. Those first few weeks/months are difficult, so the little moments for yourself really count! Do what you can, whenever you can, and don’t ever feel you are being “selfish” for taking time for yourself. I think I’m a much better person and mama when I have time to do the things I like, whether it’s grabbing a coffee or reading a book or doing whatever.

      Reply

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