Rainbow Days
22 May 2012 Leave a Comment
There are days that stand out in my mind, days of perfection and bliss and smiles and good things to eat and wonderful people to share with. My mum calls them Rainbow Days.
“Special occasions” are NOT Rainbow Days in my mind.
My wedding? Stressful as all hell. There was fainting, crying, muscle spasms, and a few “go-the-fuck-away” prayers. There was also love and laughter and friendship and mimosas and eggs benedict, but two years later when I look back on it all, I still wish we had just eloped.
Georgia’s baptism? Again with the stress thing. Too many photos, too many people, too many things that needed to be done (that I hadn’t planned on or didn’t want to do). Loved the friends and minister and COOKIES but now I wonder if there is such a thing as a baptism-elopment. In case we have another child and do this again.
But there ARE rainbow days, and they catch you by surprise. Sometimes there’s some planning involved, sometimes not. Like my 24th birthday: semi-planned joy. A trip to the cottage with the girls I looked after. Beer on the beach. Sunshine and new freckles. Flowers and then lobster for dinner and creme brulee for dessert.
Today is my second anniversary. It is humid. We had pancakes for breakfast and then went to run errands. The baby cried and Jason was grumpy and I rolled my eyes and now he is at work. The gift he ordered has not arrived. I still need to bake a cake, assuming there is time. We ate takeout Indian food-him partially dressed in his uniform, me in a tank top and undies. I don’t think today is anything special.
But I know there will be a rainbow day to come, with my husband on my side.
Happy anniversary, Mr. Swan.
Am I Mom Enough?
14 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Time Magazine recently published a cover photo of a woman breastfeeding her older child, accompanied by the headline “Are You Mom Enough?”
What does that even mean?!?!?!
The photo and article were intended to create controversy and sell magazines. Period. I do not believe that Time honestly cares about breastfeeding, attachment parenting, or mothers. They care about profits and pageviews. And what do you do to raise both? Take an already controversial subject, such as breastfeeding (and it really shouldn’t be controversial in the first place) and then put an extreme spin on it. Sit back and laugh all the way to the bank.
I nurse. We nurse. Georgia is currently exclusively breastfed, and will be so for a few more months. I intend to keep on breastfeeding as we add solids because I believe in the benefits of breastmilk. Georgia will probably wean when she is a toddler, but it might happen sooner than that, or possibly later. I don’t know. At the end of the day, the decision will mine and hers, with some consultation from Jason, and with our health care providers.
Does this make me “mom enough”? Does it make me a better mother than someone who weans early, or someone who never breastfed in the first place? No. No, it does not. At the end of the day, women make the choices that work the best for them and their families. Who am I to judge? Some women cannot produce enough milk. Some women have to go back to work. Some women have unsupportive families. I want breastfeeding rates to go up, but we need to stop being so damn judgmental of women who breastfeed AND women who don’t. We need to be supportive of MOTHERS, whatever their need and situation. Because you know what? It’s a damn hard job, but every single one of us is mom enough.
Baptism
08 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Georgia is being baptized in just under two weeks time. This is somewhat of a big deal.
Basically, Jason and I are making a promise that we will raise her in the United Church, and when she is old enough she can make her own decisions about faith and spirituality. In the UCC, the congregation acts as godparents in the traditional sense, and it is the members of our church that are responsible for helping with Georgia’s Christian education. She still has her own godparents, but their role is more to support Jason and I as we raise our family, and to support Georgia as she grows. This can include nurturing her spirituality, but doesn’t need to be focused solely on that one aspect of her life. Georgia’s godparents are close friends of ours, people who we love and respect, and who love and respect us.
While I would be very happy if Georgia decides to officially become a member of the church when she is ready, I would also be happy if her life takes a different spiritual path. I was baptized Anglican, but am now a member of the United Church of Canada. I am also very drawn to earth religions and Buddhism. I believe the Divine manifests itself in many different ways, and that God gave us freedom of choice and created such a diverse world for a reason. I believe in a loving God who wants us to make the choices that work best for ourselves-and that is why I will be teaching Georgia about a wide variety of religious practices, not just ones limited to Christianity and my particular denomination.
Why does it have to be black and white all the time?
02 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Here’s the problem with most mommy blogs: they looooooove to paint things as black and white, and then say “but we’re all in this together! each family should do what works for them (but really, they should do what I’M doing)”.
Home birth vs. hospital birth. Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding. Co-sleeping vs. nursery. Public school vs. private school vs. Waldorf vs. Montessori vs. Reggio vs. charter vs. homeschooling vs. unschooling (can you tell I spend a lot of time thinking about education?). Stay-at-home vs. working parent. It doesn’t end. Even the tiniest of things become an all or nothing situation.
Why all the judgement? Why all the negativity? Why the mommy wars? Why the “you’re either with me or against me mentality? Just why?
I understand judgment. I do. I don’t think a person can make a big decision without there being some judgement there. It’s human nature. But why reduce it to an either/or level???
I had a midwife, and had planned an unmedicated homebirth. Well, Georgia had other plans, and so I delivered at KGH instead. And the unmedicated part? Didn’t happen. I needed rest if I was going to deliver vaginally, so I asked for a shot of morphine. It was one of the best decisions I made in labour. I am glad that I had the option of going to the hospital and receiving amazing care in what had the potential to be a dangerous situation. I am also glad that I had a team of midwives to help me have as natural a birth as possible. I do not think my situation needed to be reduced to an either/or situation. I had the best of both worlds.
Life is not black and white. Things change, flexibility is needed. Life is full spectrum, and so is parenting.
Must haves? Nice to haves?
26 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
It seems almost every parenting blog and forum features these lists of so-called newborn essentials, baby essentials, diaper bag essentials, travel essentials, essential essentials…
And I always shake my head a little, because dude, what does a baby REALLY need? Food, warmth, somewhere to sleep, something to catch all that poo and pee…yeah. In other words, my boobs, a few sleepers, a bassinet/crib/mum’s arms, and diapers or a potty if elimination communication is your thing. The car seat is another one unless you are only using human-power transportation or public transportation.
Are playmats and exersaucers and video monitors travel systems and fancy muslin swaddle blankets and vibrating bouncy chairs and top of the line breastpumps really essentials? I guess it depends on your situation. Or wallet. Or friend’s wallets.
Then again, it could also be this: how willing are you to believe that you need every.last.thing. on the Babies R Us gift registry? We were told we needed to register for everything from birth to age two, completing ignoring that most of this stuff can be bought second hand, that your baby might really really hate the swing or bouncer or whatever, and that not everyone has an entire room dedicated to the storage of baby stuff.
(Yes, stuff, that old chestnut. Have I mentioned that Jason and I took yet another load of stuff to Value Village last week, enough to fill the back of our van. Where does it all come from?!?!?)
Most of my “essentials” are probably “nice to haves” or “things that make my life just a wee bit easier”. So here they are, in no particular order.
-Baby carrier. For the first four months of Georgia’s life I wore her out and about in a Cuddly Wrap (more popular brand is the Moby). This thing was a lifesaver, literally and figuratively. I found it way more convenient than using a stroller or travel system, and it let me get out of the house every day, even in winter. I credit these daily walks as a Very Important Thing, as they reduced my post-partum depression and helped me cope with anxiety. Plus, Georgia really enjoys being held close and being able to look at what’s going on around her. We just bought a Beco carrier today, because baby girl outgrew the wrap, and I can’t wait to try it out.
-Nosefrida the Snotsucker. Yep, it is exactly what it sounds like, but it’s the best way to get boogies out of baby’s nose (even if it is a tad disgusting).
-Diapers: We use cloth during the day, and disposables at night. I don’t have any particular brand allegiance, although I do like our pocket diapers because the microfiber insert soaks up so much pee. For sposies, store brand is cool, and I’ll take Pampers if someone else is offering. Hate Huggies.
-Breastfeeding supplies: lanolin for my nips, bebe au lait nursing cover for public outings (although a scarf or nothing at all will work in a pinch), a medela harmony handpump, nursing pillow, and nursing bras and tanks with good support. The bebe au lait cover was bought second hand, and works WAY better than scarfs, because it provides better coverage and has some structure at the top so I can see my bebe and she can see me.
-A bouncer chair/portable playmat. I could have lived without these, but they make life so much easier. Georgia is on her playmat right now, and very happy to be there. Bonus: It’s made of fabric and folds easily, so I can toss it behind a chair when I need it out of the way. Other bonus: both came second hand.
-Baby “ramp” for the bathtub. It just helped with bathtime.
-A small selection of baby toys. True, I’m the kind of mum that’s going to give my kids kitchen utensils to play with, but there are certain toys that have been very popular with Georgia: anything that hands, anything that rattles, anything she can shove in her mouth. So, in other words, baby toys.
-Burp cloths. Millions and millions of burp cloths. And bibs. Lots of bibs.
-Swaddle blankets: We used this long stretchy cotton blanket for a while, until I found a Swaddle-Me blanket second hand. Love it. It cocoons my girl and helps her sleep.
-Gripe water. Georgia can be a very gassy baby. This stuff helps. Sanity saver, even if only for a few minutes.
-And then there’s stuff that’s good for all of us: a humidifier and the iPad. And youtube videos of Adele, Arcade Fire, and OK GO.
Could I survive without these items? Of course, many are luxuries as far as I’m concerned (women have survived the boredom of nursing without an iPad) but they do help. So there you go: My must-haves and nice-to-haves.
More food for thought
19 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: baby, breastfeeding, Food
After Georgia was born, eating became somewhat complicated. I was exhausted, hormonal, trying to build my strength back up, breastfeeding, and learning to care for a small and demanding human being. Food needed to be simple and nourishing. And if I could eat it with one hand, even better.
So: here is Mary’s top foods for nursing mamas:
1. Cheese.
2. Fruit slices. I went wild for clementines, but some breastfeeding mamas have a hard time with citrus.
3. Cooked chicken.
4. Deli meats. Not everyone will agree with me about this food, due to concerns about preservatives and listeriosa, but it use your own common sense and go with what works. In my case, a nice little pile of ham with cheese and breton crackers was divine…sounds like a lunchable!
5. Yogurt, especially high-protein Greek yogurt or balkan style yogurt.
6. Finger foods. To celebrate New Year’s my sister Katie went out and bought some delicious appetizers. Those nibblies were divine.
7. Boiled eggs.
8. Ice cream in a flavour that your partner doesn’t like. In my case, mint chocolate chip.
9. Bagels-now is not the time to avoid carbs!
10. Anything that you desire or have been avoiding for the past nine months.
I learned through trial and error about what foods would upset Georgia: black bean enchiladas and thai chicken in peanut sauce were OUT. Basically, if a food upset her I would wait a week or two to try it again, so I could see if it was a fluke or not. I also found that my tastes had changed, and so had my digestion. I have IBS, which means I usually avoid trigger foods such as beef. However, all throughout my pregnancy I craved red meat, and it didn’t give me the usual problems if I ate it more than once a week. About a month after Georgia was born this stopped being the case. I had to re-discover my no-no list, in addition to learning the baby’s no-no list. My advice: don’t beat yourself up too much. The night of the black bean enchiladas left everyone in tears, but it was only one night.
Remember: it’s a new process for everyone.
Mmmm, mmmm, good
19 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
Food. For me, eating is one of life’s greatest pleasures. I love a good meal. Going to restaurants is one of my favourite things to do. I am thrilled to pieces when the farmers market opens for the season: fresh produce when eaten in season is delicious. I have been known to cry for the perfect peach or pear.
Having a baby wrecks a fair amount of havoc on one’s eating habits, though.
My morning sickness ruined more than a few meals. Combine that with irritable bowel syndrome, and there was little that I could manage in terms of eating during the first trimester. My midwives told me not to worry about whether I was getting enough of this or that, to ignore the Canada’s Food Guide that was sent in the mail from public health, and to focus on eating whatever I could keep down. I consumed a lot of soft pretzels and passion tea lemonades during the first trimester, and still remember Jason driving to and from Wendy’s in record time when I mentioned that I was feeling up to some chicken strips and a baked potato. Most of my food issues wore off after the first trimester, and thankfully in time for a trip to the Maritimes, where I was determined to eat as much seafood as possible. For the second and third trimester, I tried to eat simple and healthy meals, and used the 80/20 rule for junk food like Big Macs and Blizzards.
But there was a new food concern on the horizon: what would we eat after the baby arrived? Cooking would be the least of my concerns with a newborn, but I knew I would have to eat in order to recover from birth, and to help my body produce milk for Georgia. I came up with the following strategies for eating during the post-partum period.
1. Freeze it. I make soup or stew about twice per week, and leftovers are always labelled and put in the freezer. During the last eight weeks of my pregnancy I built a nice little stash of nourishing meals that could be thawed and heated whenever I needed something tasty in a hurry.
2. Stock up. I love Ristorante pizzas, but they can run a little pricey. I grocery shop based on the sales I see in fliers, so whenever my beloved pizzas went on sale, we would buy a few until we had quite the pizza stack in the back of our freezer.
3. Ask for help. When family came to visit, I would usually ask if they wouldn’t mind bringing something along with them: my mother’s rice pudding was one dish that made an appearance after Georgia was born. My sisters also did a few grocery runs, and my in-laws dropped off a few meals from the take-out counter. If someone asks what they can do to help, bringing food is one of the best options.
4. Eat-in/take-out: Restaurants are a godsend for new parents. What’s in your neighbourhood? What’s fast? Does anyone offer delivery? Is there anywhere you could go with a newborn? We kept a few take-out menus around the house, along with gift cards and coupons for places like Subway and Wendy’s. The Pizza Hut lunch buffet was also one of our prime choices when Georgia was a newborn: there was no wait time for food, it was a family restaurant, and the booths were comfy on my recovering bottom (and helped us be discrete when nursing. I’m less concerned now about a straw areola coming into view, but in those early days, the privacy of a booth was very helpful when nursing in public).
5. Think finger foods: It’s not easy to nurse and cut up steak at the same time. Foods that could be eaten with one hand were crucial, as I usually need to keep one hand on my breast while feeding Georgia. There was also a few times when I needed both hands, so Jason would end up feeding me! Cheese curds, deli meat, fruit slices, crackers, and yogurt drinks became my go-to meals for quite a while. Look for foods that are high in protein, and try to “eat the rainbow” when possible.
6. Water, water, everywhere: Do not let yourself get dehydrated. We bought a big brita pitcher and kleen kanteens before Georgia was born, and then made sure there was always water within reaching distance of my different nursing stations. Getting dehydrated is no fun at all, whether you are pregnant, nursing, or just living your life.
Next up: food for thought on eating once baby is older.
